Sep 5, 2010

How to write a love letter

I wonder how many of you, my dear readers, have ever written a love letter. You might think that the art of writing a love letter might be ancient and obsolete, but make no mistake; the tremendous power that well written words can have… to stir someone’s feelings, to feed the flames of desire, to steal someone’s heart and hijack that someone’s brain, goes beyond human understanding. And that tremendous power is timeless.

But why should someone write a love letter? A love letter can be an extremely useful tool in a great diversity of situations, the most obvious one and perhaps the one that requires the highest levels of mastery of the love letter writing art, is the ‘declaration of love’: that is when a man or a woman declares his or her feelings for someone else for the first time in written form and the target person is completely unaware of how the sender feels. The high degree of difficulty is because the love letter in order to complete its ultimate function should not be just a declaration, but it has to plant the seed of love on the heart of the reader. A love letter might be also useful when the loved one is far away, perhaps overseas, perhaps destiny has separated both of you, and spoken words are not good enough to express yourself above those stormy feelings, above that confusion that distance may cause: a love letter could solidify those bonds that suddenly feel so brittle. A love letter can also be used to turn on your partner and use anticipation to ignite the fire within. It can be used for reconciliation when disagreement and resentment may have clouded your partner’s heart. You can also give a love letter as a present or to accompany a present, in order to reinforce the feelings that already exist between both of you… And these are just some examples, the true power of a love letter resides in the capacity to create, modify, or influence, the feelings of the person who the letter is written for. A love letter could also be used for evil purposes, but let’s not talk about that here…

So, how do I write a love letter? There are two important principles that you must have into account in order to write a successful love letter. These two principles are the backbone and heart of your letter, if you ignore them your letter will be ineffective and might cost you or damage your relationship… the more you understand these aspects the more powerful and effective your letter will be.

The very first principle (and perhaps the most important one) is that you must know exactly how you want your loved one to feel. So, before you start writing you must take a moment and clearly imagine how your loved one will feel while reading and after reading the love letter. Do you want him or her to feel happy or excited? Do you want the reader to feel admiration, to feel the kindness in your heart, the manliness or delicacy of your soul? Drunk in love? Infatuated? Or do you want him or her to feel a deep connection? Reassured, bathed in a strong feeling of security and confidence?

It might be counter intuitive, but when writing a love letter your feelings do not take predominance, what matters are the feelings of the person that will read the letter. You words must be targeted at causing the desired effect with the reader’s feelings in mind; if you just aimlessly write about your feelings, and your feelings are the only thing that is in focus, if you use the writing as an outlet to release your repressed emotions, then the love letter will be utterly useless and it will cause the opposite effect, it will be creepy and it will chase your loved away.

eiffel tower summer night parisIf before you start writing, you can have a clear idea of how you want the reader to feel, then when you start composing your letter, the words and the sentences will align with your purpose, they will naturally flow so that the letter will move the reader’s heart towards those emotions you want him or her to feel.

The second principle of writing a love letter is that you must have a good and healthy state of mind at the moment you will start writing. You need to be rested; you need to be in a good mood, feeling fresh and positive… do not write if you’re tired or if you’re stressed. Do not write if you’re feeling confused, do not write if you’re feeling sad or melancholic… the letter will reflect also the state of your mind. You want your letter to show that you’re in control of your feelings, that you know what you want, it should read confident it should read strong. Otherwise, your letter will leave an uneasy feeling on your loved one, he or she wouldn’t know what it is, but they will feel uncomfortable… at best, confused.

So when you write a love letter you should feel good about yourself, you should feel happy, and you should believe that your words are powerful; at the same time keep in mind at all times what exactly do you want your loved one to feel. Then you can begin writing the letter, say the things you want to say, you can use metaphor or not, you can make it poetic or you can make it funny, use whatever style you want to use… don’t really worry about it because it doesn’t really matter, anything else is superfluous. If you fulfill both principles the love letter will be truly charged with the full power of your love, and it will truly touch the recipient’s heart genuinely and deeply.

Do it sometime, you will be amazed by the almost mystical power of a love letter.

To read an example of a love letter I wrote, click here!


  1. Great Tanai, I loved it.
    I wish to see soon a beautiful example for a bigginer writer:!

  2. Thanks Arezki, I'm glad to know you're reading. I might post an example of a love letter of my own ;) haha!