Aug 13, 2010

Upgrade your brain for $9.99 - Part I

The very first mental upgrade I had was to improve my memory. A very helpful little device to remember anything I wanted; every single passage of my favorite book or movie, every face, every word said, every feeling of that night we spent. What a masterpiece of technological ingenuity, it was not just designed to boost your memory without any adverse effects on your thought process or unconscious mind; but you could also use it to delete whichever ugly memories you wanted, quite neat.

The second upgrade I made was to enhance focus and attention; this one I got more out of need than actually ‘free will’ since companies would rather hire people with a focus upgrade than without. Obviously, it represented billions in earning having your employers concentrated for hours without a single useless passing thought or daydream. I guess it became some kind of cure for procrastination.

Perhaps one of the best investments I’ve made so far was to get the media transfer upgrade. It could literally transfer your thoughts: speech, sound, imagery, video, you name it, into a computer so you could actually save a thought in digital format; and then watch it or replay it later. You could also set it so that it would transfer automatically all your dreams into your laptop overnight. At the beginning it was kind of entertaining to watch my dreams next day in the morning, but then I started realizing that there are some dreams so obscure that perhaps it’s better not to remember them at all.

To post videos of your pet’s dreams became a huge boom and all sorts of dog or cat dreams used to go crazy viral over the internet… an extremely funny one was a leaked video when the media transfer devices were still on testing phase; a chimpanzee erotic dream with her scientist in charge! Fantastic.

However the most expensive upgrade I ever made on my brain was the one for enhance though processing. It is meant to use the full capacity of your brain for problem solving, calculations, simulations, and other forms of higher reasoning. I remember the very first time I used it: I needed to come up with a solution for a dilemma that was tormenting me at the moment; I won’t go into details but it’s more or less like this: either I would choose solution A, I would be truthful to my ideals, take a heavy burden off my shoulders; but cause terrible pain to a loved one… or I would choose solution B, I would lie to myself, but my loved one would be unharmed and happy. In any case, when I activated the higher reasoning enhancement to find the best course of action… everything seemed alright at the beginning, suddenly every thought started flowing so smoothly, so logically, so clearly. It was exhilarating, you feel like Einstein times a hundred! Then after a few minutes my head started to feel heavy, a few minutes later a slight headache, then I felt like going to pee, mouth dry, the headache increased, my sight went blurry, sweat, felt like puking, then sudden exhaustion. The thoughts were rushing through my brain like bullets… I felt like lying down and after a couple of minutes I fell asleep, just to wake up an hour and a half later starving. Intense, really intense.

Like Einstein times a hundred...

Click here to go to part II of 'Upgrade your brain for $9.99'!

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