Sep 21, 2011

What to do, what to do?

My heart is torn asunder, split in two. The left atrium and ventricle want to travel to a part of the world I’ve never been before, perhaps an English speaking country, explore new horizons and push new frontiers, the exciting new possibilities! The right side wants to come back to Sweden, settle down and establish myself there, let the roots grow, and enjoy from the comfort and safety of that country I love. Both possibilities are real and are equally appealing to me.

I don’t really know what to do. My life would be a lot easier if I come back to my dear Sweden… on the other side the high-risk endeavor of going to a new place like the United State (for example) might promise high rewards.

In Sweden I have many loved friends and many more acquaintances, yet I don’t have any problems at all meeting new people and making new friendships; in fact, it has become a fundamental part of the person I am.

I don’t mind the Swedish winter: on the contrary, I look forward to become a snowboarding expert, yet I could live in sunny California and try surfing.

What to do, what to do… I don’t have any more time to ponder around; I must take a decision immediately. Throw a coin? Enlighten me, please.

And the fear of getting none of the above, and be shipped away to the developing world to experience extreme poverty, hardships, and suffering, still resides within my soul and is a permanent disturbing feeling running in the background of my brain. I don’t want to consider it at all, but there it is. Can’t really help it that much.

1 comment:

  1. Donde quiera que vayas te va a ir bien Tanai, no te preocupes! además eres todavía un polluelo, no tienes por qué asustarte o preocuparte todavía por "settle down"... eso vendrá después, cuando conozcas la polluela tal vez:)

    A Colombia no volverías a sufrir!!!! tienes todas las credenciales para ser contratado como investigador en una buena Universidad, los Andes te ofrecería seguramente muy buenas condiciones. No eres el mismo Tanai que estudió allí en medio de tantas adversidades. O bueno, si eres el mismo pero con otras circunstancias muy diferentes. Llegarías a ayudar, a multiplicar lo que sabes en medio de los que más lo necesitan, a inspirar y ayudar a otros para que salgan y encuentren las mismas oportunidades que has tenido. Yo sueño con eso...

    A Suecia siempre podrás volver, en la universidad dejaste las puertas abiertas para siempre. Aquí vamos a estar siempre esperándote, al menos Tobias, Emilia y yo <3